I got a message today on facebook from an old school friend. He was a senior at my school, a rather large kind of guy that was quite popular with everyone thanks to his cheeky sense of humour and (slight) charm. We got the same bus home from school every evening and it was on one of these days that we shared a shy awkward, very innocent type kiss. There was no spark there, it was just one of those things that you did at fifteen and I got ribbed for it for several weeks after. I hadn’t spoken to him in several years, until today. Our conversation went like this:
Jason: Hey stranger – seems ages since our snog down by the chapel!! How are things going? What you up to these days?
Me: I know, such a long time ago. Things are going good thanks. I’ve been living in Edinburgh for the past four years and have just left Uni where I was studying ‘Applied Psychology’. Currently I am working freelance, writing for various magazines and office temping till I sort myself out and eventually move back to Ireland – with the girlfriend in tow. What have you been doing with yourself? Good to hear from you stranger.
Jason: You with a girlfriend!? Hope that wasn’t anything to do with me kissing you?! Any pictures? x
(Oh my God. Why do straight men always have to say that?! It’s almost as if its been built into them as an automatic response to someone proclaiming their lesbianism)
Me: Yeah I’ve been with her for over six years now. Uh no, my sexuality didn’t come about because of one random kiss like ten years ago, funnily. “Any pictures?” That’s a bit sleazy isn’t it?
Jason: I am male afterall.
(‘I have a penis therefore I am a prick’?!)
Me: Thankfully not every man is a complete sleaze. Thankfully we (mostly) live in a society that respects lesbian relationships for what they are and not for the ultimate male fantasy. Do I want to see pictures of you and your girlfriend? – No, why would I?! Why would you want to see pictures just because I happen to love someone of the same sex? Have some fucking respect, please.
Jason: Hey was only messin. Chill out love.
(Firstly I fucking hate it when people drop letters in words just to save time on the keyboard. Secondly, don’t call me love, moron).
Me: You weren’t only messing Jason and it’s the attitude. That kind of attitude belongs with narrow-minded nethanderal men. Congratulations you passed, now fuck off.
Was I too harsh? I don’t think so. I couldn’t tell you the amount of times that I have come across this kind of attitude among straight men. It’s always their first response. ‘Do you have pictures?’, ‘Threesome?’, or my personal asshole best – “Lesbians don’t have real sex. You need a penis for that”. I’m so sick of hearing that shit. Why is it that gay men are taken seriously and lesbians aren’t? What is it about our society that has taught our straight men to think that two women being together is hot? In fact no, more than that – what is it that has taught them to believe that two women being together is less about connection and love and more about trying to turn men on or trying to tease them? Do I need to have a penis to be taken seriously?!
Personally I believe that the majority of straight men don’t understand the word lesbian. They don’t understand that the world does not revolve around their, or for that matter, any other mans dick. They have nurtured, idolised and indeed stroked their (tiny) little weiner from an early age and truly believe that it is the best thing ever. They clearly can’t grasp that some women do not need a penis to be sexually fulfilled. Gay men on the scene are generally the same, its all about cock and sex (even if there is more emotional depth there). Perhaps that’s why gay men are stereotypically seen as more promiscuous, while the lesbian is generally seen as the settling down type. We all know the lesbian jokes about moving in on the third date right? The lesbian seems to be more interested in the woman as a person, even if it is a purely physical affair. I’ve yet to hear a woman, straight or gay, to go on and on about how wonderful their pussy is. If I had a few years to research, perhaps I would have an answer as to why women and men are so vastly different in terms of sexuality.
“Penis: A body organ used for urination, sexual pleasure, and for making important life decisions.” – Randy L. Pendleton.
Jason Ward you have been named and shamed. One more thing; you’re an idiot.
