The spacegirl and her two moms

The spacegirl with two mothers, the prince who shuns three beautiful princesses, falling in love with another man and the baby penguin with two dads – some of the new characters being introduced into children’s books at schools here in the U.K.

This is a good thing right? Gone are the days of the regimented old-fashioned stereotypical family of father, mother and 2.5 children – a family blueprint that in this day and age rarely fits anyone. A few years back we had the implementation of stories that served to tell the “other” story – the story of the “broken home”, the seperated parents and the step brothers and sisters. This of course, could only be viewed as a positive thing. It raised awareness and opened peoples’ eyes to the stigma attached to “alternative families”. It had made those kids who had felt different feel normal again, accepted, and had given children another ‘blueprint’ so that they may define their lifes. These new ‘gay’ stories seek to do exactly the same thing.

Children need to be free to define who they are, both as individuals and as part of a family unit. How can little Tom who lives with his two daddies define who he is as a person and understand his family unit when there are no stories for him. Isn’t his story worth telling? Doesn’t he deserve to feel as much a part of this society as the boy with the traditional family sitting next to him?!

Apparently not everyone thinks so. To some, little Tom’s story is nothing more than gay propaganda – liberal bullshit that is destroying the very foundation of the traditional family. Oh no !! Could it be true?! While we seek to tell every child’s story and hope that every kid grows up realising that he or she can do anything it wants, be anything it wants and still be accepted and loved regardless – while we do this – could we possibly be breaking down the fabric of the traditional family?! Oh please; your “fabric” was in tatters way before we got there.

Public opinion seems to fall into two distinct camps on this one. There are those who realise that these stories are being put in place in schools so that we can try rid our schools of discrimination. “For children brought up with gay family members this will be tremendously beneficial. There still exists a stigma against homosexuality in schools, and anything that can be done to redress this should be encouraged”. (‘The Sun’ Discussion board). There are also those whose comments only come from ignorance and fear, “It promotes abnormality. With the P.C brigade minority trying to dismantle national institutions such as mothers/fathers day they are now trying to impose their un-natural teaching on the majority -the majority needs to stand up for itself & say enough is enough, and raise its voice to be heard over the bleatings of these limp wristed liberal weirdo’s”. Bleat.

Some even go on to suggest that this “homosexual liberal nonsense” will make all our children gay and that there will be no-one left to carry on the blood-line and breed! Hah! Excuse me while I choke on my pasta in between fits of giggles. Geez. I’m not even going to bother aruging that one… except to say, ‘go home. you stupid’.

Every child deserves to have a “blueprint”. Every child deserves to fit in, to be heard, to be understood.

Every child deserves a story.

 

Say what ?! [Part Two]

I don’t believe that for a second. You couldn’t even pull the ginger one from Girls Aloud.

I nearly ran over a tourist this morning on my way to work. Yet they still had the nerve to get me to wind down my window and ask me for directions!

Tattoos are for jailbirds and lesbians.

I don’t want to hear it and I don’t care how big you may think it is.

McDonalds – nutritionally invalid.

If you need to use the toliet then just go. Stop whinging. How does that bush over there look to you?

He should have known that mobiles with cameras on them aren’t allowed in the pool area. Pervert.

One for every night of the week is fine, but Sunday is the day of the football.

Don’t make me slap you in the name of grammar.

 

Say what?! [Part One]

Whether you’re eavesdropping on the bus, happen to over-hear a conversation by accident or are simply standing too close to someone while in the queue, we all over-hear things we probably shouldn’t. Below are some of these; all over-heard out and about in the beautiful city of Edinburgh, Scotland.

You are a dangleberry on societies asshole.

‘Have a nice day now!’ – God, how patronising is that? I don’t even like stereotypes but Americans are wankers.

David Cameron? Don’t make me laugh.

You know whats gay, when your trying to find something and you realise you already have it.

T in the park is for pussies.

We really need to get a new hoover, that piece of crap just has no sucking action.

It’s amazing how quickly you can go off people.

Yeah whatever we’re not on Oprah now so you can stop clicking your fingers at me.

You know what you should do if that happens don’t you. You should kick him in his mangina.

Elton John is a self-righteous prick.

You know that guy Martin, he’s only fifteen and he caught his best friend in the shower with his mum. It’s not that even that it’s that bad, it’s just the principal of it being his best friend you know?.

You’ll have forgotten what trousers feel like by the time you get back home.

 

Lesbian and bisexual visibility – ‘Bad Girls’

Note – This was a [sort of] review I did for Afterellen.com when season 1 of ‘Bad Girls’ was being released over in America in ‘05.  Also note; its not very good.

“Hard hitting, original and controversial. ‘Bad Girls’ depicts the personal trials and triumphs of prison inmates and officers alike… this is a drama where fear and brutality meet friendship and compassion, and where corrupt staff, treacherous inmates, drugs and violence all combine to test the mettle of those thrown together 24/7”- Official press release.

The UK’s prime-time prison drama, which first aired in the UK over six years ago, is finally going to be released on DVD for US viewers. ‘Bad Girls’ is a prison drama not for the faint-hearted, and, one that has the potential to be fraught with cliché and stereotypical representations of lesbians in UK prisons. It would not be an under-statement to say that ‘Bad Girls’ is indeed ‘Cult viewing’, drawing in at its peek, only 8.5 million viewers.

The show, has however, managed to portray some very real, and very interesting characters, as well as dealing with much over-looked issues of sexuality within a prison setting, relationships between prison officers/inmates, drugs, suicide, rape and- lets not forget what the show does best; prison officer corruption and abuse of power.

The first episode of season 1 plunges its viewers straight into life at ‘Larkhall prison’, allowing it’s characters; inmates and prison officers alike, to develop at a natural and realistic pace. It’s not surprising to learn that ‘Bad Girls’ has a very strong list of female characters who take centre stage, forcing the male characters of the show to remain in the sidelines.
Jim Fenner is the exception to this rule; the opportunistic “screw” (Prison officer) who seemly has nine lives as well as no conscience, is always involved in something he shouldn’t be, which makes for shocking but often funny viewing. From Shell Dockley, ‘Larkhalls’ resident psychotic lifer, to “the two Julies” whose adventures and plots are both hilarious and touching to watch; this is a show of real contrasting and complex characters.

Yes–‘Bad Girls’ is hard-hitting and controversial; you don’t need to look further than episode 2 (aptly named: Drug Wars) where inmate Nikki Wade is forced to squat over a mirror, completely naked, with the door wide open, by the DST (dedicated search team), to realize that this show isn’t afraid of portraying the harsh reality of prison life.

DST Officer – “Legs apart, squat down.”
Nikki – “God, it must drive you mad not being able to touch me.”
(Yeah- the ‘Uncut’ and ‘Warning’ stickers on the box sets are there for a reason, some scenes are not all that easy to watch).

Fortunately the show isn’t without its humour; ‘Bad Girls’ would be nothing without its sharp one-liners and sarcastic remarks which come from inmates and officers alike. Sylvia Hollamby (“Bodybag”) is the cynic in the officer’s mess- the epitome of the “never listened, never learned” officer who doesn’t like change and would be happy if all inmates were locked up 24/7. Her character is tough and resolved, completely old school; but completely enjoyable to watch- She cannot go un-mentioned.

Hollamby– “Well excuse me! Well I think it’s us women officers should be complaining about urine tests, it’s alright for the men’s prisons, they’re always showing themselves to each other but I don’t want to watch women going to the toilet.”

Hollamby– “There’s about as much chance of Zandra Plackett coming off the nasty as there is of Cliff Richard inviting me up to his hotel room for cream cakes and sex.”

‘Bad Girls’ is not primarily a lesbian based show, but the show is not without its lesbian, bi-sexual or just plain confused characters. To date, ‘Bad Girls’ has portrayed six major lesbian relationships throughout series 1-6, and, rather disappointingly, only one major relationship of a bi-sexual nature. It seems clear that ‘Bad Girls’ , like many other dramas, has made some steps towards greater visibility for lesbians on prime-time television but like the others, seems to forget about the bi-sexual women out there that also need to be represented.
Still, the utter matter-of-factness of the lesbian content is refreshing but not surprising given that ‘Bad Girls’ is conceived, written, and produced entirely by a gay/lesbian team (Shed Productions’ Maureen Chadwick, Ann McManus, Eileen Gallagher, and Brian Park).

Season 1 of the show deals with the issue of sexuality within the confines of prison life, and does it pretty well too. The major storyline between Simone Lahbib, who plays the idealistic and fast-tracked wing governor Helen Stewart, and Mandana Jones who plays the hard-headed but intelligent lesbian Nikki Wade is a perfect example of a genuinely written and sensitive portrait of a straight wing governor who falls in love with a lesbian prisoner.

This storyline, which is followed up in later series, is there from the word go. From episode one of the first season, when Helen as a new wing governor takes a tough stance on the inmates and is met in opposition by Nikki Wade, there is chemistry in abundance. Their friendship is cemented when Helen Stewart seeks to make an ally of Nikki but ends up depending on her a lot more than she would initially like too.

Nikki: Don’t let the buggers get you down!
(Helen walks into cell, closes the door behind her and sits down next to Nikki on her bed)
Helen: What you reading?
Nikki: ‘Little Dorritt’, it’s a story about a terrible prison.
Helen: Thank goodness we got rid of all of those! (sarcastic)
Nikki: You’re doing your bit Helen, most of the girls in here know that deep down.
Helen: (In tears) Yeah? But for how much longer?
Nikki: Hey, come here! (puts her arm around Helen)

Helen who sees herself as completely straight and is indeed engaged (to a rather geeky looking gardener) begins to realize that she has feelings towards this woman, who importantly is a prisoner in her very care!! Obviously thinking that denial is the best way to go, Helen tries very hard and un-successfully I must add, to concentrate on her in-sanely boring gardener boyfriend instead.
Helen: Nikki, I think she needs some time on her own.
Nikki: What, in here? She’ll be lucky.Helen: I think I do as well.
Nikki: You’ve got Sean to go home to.
Helen: Yeah…G’night Nikki.
Nikki: Night Helen.
Their relationship is not only well portrayed and well explored but it manages to combine issues of sexuality with issues of morality. The very thought of a relationship with Nikki Wade goes against every rule that Helen has followed and must follow. For such an idealistic woman to have feelings for an inmate, no less a female inmate, it’s no surprise that she is left feeling confused and dejected. The on-screen chemistry between these actresses is wonderful to watch, and the power battles in the early episodes are not only true to character but are portrayed with real intensity and sincerity. And, man, can Nikki give some cheek:

Helen: I’m not having this Nikki, you’re not going to undermine the good order of this wing.
Nikki: So transfer me, put me on report, I don’t give a shit!
Helen: When are you going to grow up and stop all this macho crap? Why did you attack Michelle Dockley?
Nikki: I dunno, touch of PMT. (Nikki stands up to leave the room)
Helen: SIT IN THAT CHAIR!
Nikki: (Sitting down) Don’t you wish it was electric?
Helen and Nikki’s relationship leaves us in “cliff-hang” mode in the final episode of season 1 when Sean makes it perfectly clear how he feels about Helen (you’ll see what I mean). Needless to say, this is one relationship you don’t want to miss -It will make you fall in love with the characters, it will leave you frustrated, it may even make you cry; but it will make you smile.
Fenner: Morning ma’am.
Helen: Please Jim, I’m not the bloody queen.
There are other lesbian/bi-sexual storylines in season 1 of ‘Bad Girls’, the only one worth mentioning though is the rather strange and un-explained entanglements of Shell Dockley and Denny Blood. Shell Dockley, who likes to set fire to people’s hair and just generally be a psycho, is neither straight nor gay. In fact, her sexuality is never really explained and even though we see her involved with men and never make any declarations of bi-sexuality, we see her sexually involved with her side-kick, Denny Blood. Again, it seems that writers perhaps find it easier to write the lesbian storyline more than the bi-sexual one, for their relationship is never fully explored or even understood. Shell Dockley is the kind of character that will use sex to influence people, in fact, sex is all she’s ever known and perhaps that can go a long way to explain her relationship with someone who is technically just her best friend, her side-kick.
(They kiss) Shell: Enjoy that did you? Crystaaal?
Crystal: Will you two be so hot for each other when you’re burning in hell? I’ll ask God to forgive you.
Shell: Bollocks! In here, I’m God, remember it!
We will Shell, we will.

Published 2005 – Afterellen.com

 

This World

Helpless we face mis-conceptions,
with no ground beneath us.
The pain of life dulls,
as you regard it as normality.
The happiness you once felt,
is crushed by dreams un-found.
Any good in you, a distant memory,
a memory of what was once innocence.
There’s little point fighting it;
this world.

The moment you begin to believe it may not be so bad,
and that justice and truth prevail;
is the moment you let it in to crush you,
shatter any ideals or hope you may have had.
It rips away your morals, your sanity,
replaced with a glossy under-coat,
and a new outlook on life.
Not a moral one, a truthful one,
Not one that believes in anything worthwhile,
or anything just.
Just one that promotes ruthless survival.
Survival of the weakest,
the weakest soul.

 

 

 

Harm

It goes much deeper than this, this pain,
but what’s buried inside,
my arms bear witness too on the surface.
I have no rational reason for this blatant
self destruction and I have no clear
solution to this pain.
My disillusionment with this world only forces
this habit into being;
this loneliness only allows me to subject myself
to this kind of torture.
The real torture however does not come
from the short self inflicted stabs at my flesh,
but can only come from the mind.
I see no way out of this;
even if I did these memories cannot
be forgotten and these psychological scars can
never heal like the ones I bring upon myself.
The issue isn’t the scars you can see,
because those are only small signs of what is inside;
and those cannot be shifted for anything.

 

Blame

Silence captures all there is to say,
yet these words seep from me;
sucking at this pain, soaking it, running through it.
Pulling these memories out teeth first,
grabbing,
back bitting,
gut wrenching,
all consuming.

The eyes the drowning pool of all that is lost,
still all that is held close,
encapsulating the truth in a split second.
Yet it must be all that is external;
all that is buried,
all that is pushed, forced, raped into silence.
Something that becomes something outside of ones self.
Something that is so deep that it no longer remains.

I blame you.

 

“I believe in America; I believe it exists”

Stephen Colbert, emmy winning comedian, satirist and writer has officially got balls. Not only balls, but balls of steel. Picture this; on your show “The Colbert report” you play a “well intentioned, poorly informed, high-status idiot”, a parody of pundit show hosts found on American cable television news, a sychophantic republican. It’s the event of the year, a journalists wet dream, “anybody who is anybody was there.. oh and the president” (Colbert). You are the guest speaker and the president is sitting five feet away from you, what do you do? Rip the satirical piss out of the Bush administration, the white house press corp. and generally, the complacently voting ‘blind’ Bush supporters.

Met with a ‘oh my god, is he really saying that’ luke-warm reaction, Colbert pokes fun at Bush, “I’m a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists”.Mocking bible-belt Christians all over America and of course, Bush himself, “And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior”.

“Most of all, I believe in this president. Now, I know there are some polls out there saying that this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don’t pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in “reality.” And reality has a well-known liberal bias”. That one speaks for itself.
I sat in a state of shock; wondering how long it would be before the CIA/FBI/enter Bush controlled organisation here, rig up some equipment on the other side of the room and take him out!! I hesitate to say that was a joke, stranger things have happened. This man will go down in internet history (1 million video downloads within hours) as a hero, a legend.. an extremely funny man who told Bush just what the public – the ones that haven’t been ‘asleep’ for the last four years – were really thinking of him.

Google video have it up at the moment – the link for it is below. It’s about 24 minutes long but it’s worth it.

Oh and as a side note, I really hope that as more and more Americans begin to question this “War on terror” that they also start questioning their government and start thinking more carefully about who they choose to follow blindly.

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-869183917758574879

 

A taste of Peaches

 ”Hurts so good I got a sorgasm”.
Gig review – ‘Peaches’ at the ABC Glasgow 11th October

Merrill Nisker of Peaches is one of a kind. A self-made, self-produced phenomenon, pulling un-ashamedly at the corset strings of sexual repression and indeed challenging sexual identity all together. Although her fans are vastly different, in my mind, there seems to be two kinds of Peaches fan. Those who see her as a role-model for breaking down gender and sexuality stereotypes and those who still find fisting jokes funny. Whichever camp you fall into, and I have to admit I probably fall into both, Peaches’ new album ‘Impeach my bush’, with its feverishly dirty lyrics and chunky electro beat won’t disappoint.

Since her Liquid room gig in Edinburgh in 2004, Peaches has an amazing new line-up. Joined on stage at the Glasgow gig, and all of her current Impeach my bush tour is Samantha Maloney (drums) of Hole and Motley Crue fame, JD Samson from lesbian punk band Le Tigre and on guitar, Radio Sloan from band The Need. For those who wanted to get intimate with Peaches, the ABC in Glasgow was the perfect venue. With a capacity of 1250, the venue filled up quickly as Irish support act Humanzi kept us entertained in between bar runs – this is Scotland after all.

I confess. I hold my hands up in shame. It was a little after half eight when I morphed into a sexually empowered, self-satisfied lesbian with a pathetic, albeit less innocent, school girl crush. I had made my way to the front of the crowd, where all the “cool” lesbians seemed to be congregating, all hoping for a glimpse of Peaches crotch in between sexy synth beats of pure filth. The lights dimmed, the crowd fell silent for a moment and the curtains came up. Standing on top of two monster light fixtures in the centre of the stage was a shiny suited Peaches, ready to deliver ‘Fuck or kill’; a song that, for me, sums up exactly what Peaches is all about. “I’d rather fuck who I want, than kill who I am told too”, a stinging indictment against the Bush regime and perhaps a reminder of what, even in this day and age, some of us are still fighting for – sexual freedom. With the support of a nearby bouncer, it wasn’t long before Peaches was climbing on top of the railings that separated us from her. Kicking her legs in the air, banging out new-wave meets dance track, ‘Give’er’ , she was pawed and stroked by her captive audience. I of course, kept my hands to myself. The view was enough. I have to admit, I was also musing as to how quickly I could form a punk lesbian group, so I too, could receive such attention.

From ‘Hit it hard’ with its sharp snyth beats to ultra-violent ‘Stick it to the pimp’, where former elementary teacher Nisker proclaims “pissed in your pimp cup, drink up”, Peaches delivers both in the studio and live. Clad in silver with ‘Peaches and Herm’ on the back of their jackets, the entire band are “all go” as the thick heavy electro beats and incredibly strong vocals engulf the small but modest hall. It became clear to me that Peaches is big on humour and short of shame, when she threw a massive inflatable penis, with drawn on pubic hair, into the crowd. At least I can go home and tell people that I touched Peaches’ penis I thought. The antics didn’t stop there. Drowning herself in a bottle of water, she smirked slightly before throwing the reminder over the crowd and in turn, soaking my T-shirt through. As I watched her merrily riding around the stage and then being held up on her ‘Impeach my bush’ bike by two guys from the crew, I knew that this was a gig that I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. The crowd went wild as she stripped down to her pants and red sequined bra and gave us a rendition of ‘I U she’, all of us, singing along like we’d sung it a thousand times before.

Another song from her ‘Fatherfucker’ album, ‘Shake yer Dix’ truly cemented Peaches as the playful temptress that we’ve all read about as she yelled “Ok, how about you girls, you women, you ladies, are you with Peaches? Shake your tits, shake your tits”. She had the crowd eating out of the palm of her hand as almost every female in the room starting shaking their booty to the, almost chant like song.

I have to say, even though she played for well over an hour, it was over all too quick for me. Just as the crowd was really letting go, and bashing into me from all directions, it was time for the final song. The curtains were pulled back over the stage as we all started to boo cheekily. From the back of the stage came that voice again, the voice that had entertained, exhilarated and of course titillated us for the past hour. “Come on guys, come on, pull the curtains up”. We watched, we waited and we certainly wanted. Okay, okay – I wanted. A few minutes later, after the crew had sufficiently whipped us all up into a frenzy, out popped this smiling little face. It was Peaches, with a massive grin on her face as she finished the night of with her classic bawdy ‘Fuck the pain away’, the song that catapulted her into the spotlight some four years ago.

This is the thing with an artist like Peaches. You get suckered in, mesmerized and you marvel at your extreme good luck to even be in her company. That my friend is when you know she’s got you right where she wants you.

Copyright – Emma R. Cleary
Published in ScotsGay issue 72.